Friday, May 19, 2006
Should I Let My Baby Cry It Out?
By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of No Cry Sleep Solution
Does it takes forever for your baby to fall asleep? Does he or she only fall asleep if you breastfeed, give a bottle or pacifier, rock, carry, swing, take a ride in the car, or perform other elaborate rituals? Does your baby wake up frequently throughout the night? Are your sleep issues further complicated because your baby won’t nap easily, or takes very short naps?
Do you ever feel like Leesa, mother of 9-month-old Kyra who said, "I am truly distressed, as the lack of sleep is starting to affect all aspects of my life. I feel as though I can't carry on an intelligent conversation. I am extremely unorganized and don't have the energy to even attempt reorganization. I love this child more than anything in the world, and I don't want to make her cry, but I'm near tears myself thinking about going to bed every night. Sometimes I think, 'What's the point? I'll just be up in an hour anyway.'"
As your sleep issues cast lengthening shadows over your life, you may begin to live purely for the moment. Your sleep-deprived, foggy brain may focus so intently on sleep that you can’t think beyond the next few hours of rest. You may have one – or many – people telling you that you should just let your baby cry to sleep. You are probably frustrated and confused. What you lack is perspective. To gain that perspective, ask yourself these questions:
Where will I be five years from now? How will I look back on this time?
Will I be proud of how I handled my baby's sleep routines, or will I regret my actions?
How will the things I do with my baby today affect the person he will become in the future?
Once you have some perspective about your baby’s current sleep issues, it is important to be realistic in determining your goals and to be honest in assessing the situation's effect on your life. Some people can handle two night wakings easily, while others find that the effect of even one night waking is just too much to handle. The key is to evaluate whether your baby’s sleep schedule is a problem in your eyes, or just in those of the people around you.
Begin today by contemplating these questions:
Am I content with the way things are, or am I becoming resentful, angry, or frustrated?
Is my baby’s nighttime routine negatively affecting my marriage, my job, or my relationships with my other children?
Is my baby happy, healthy, and seemingly well rested?
Am I happy, healthy, and well rested?
What is a reasonable expectation for my baby at his/her age?
What naptime and bedtime situation would I consider "acceptable"?
What naptime and bedtime situation would I consider "pure bliss"?
Why do I want to change my baby’s sleep patterns? Is it truly what’s best for me and my baby, or am I doing this to meet someone else's expectations?
Am I willing to be patient and make a gradual, gentle change for my baby if that means no crying?
Once you answer these questions, you will have a better understanding of not only what is happening with regard to your baby's sleep, but what approach you will feel most comfortable using to help your baby sleep better.
In addition to my two-year-old son Coleton, I have three older children, and they have afforded me the perspective I lacked the first time around. My children have taught me how very quickly babyhood passes. I struggle now to remember the difficulties of those first couple years, so fleeting are they. And I am proud that I didn’t cave in to the pressures of others around us to do what they felt was right; instead I followed my heart as I gently nurtured all of my babies. That time is long gone for us, but those memories remain. And now, all four of them sleep through the night. And so do I.
About the Author: Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry -- Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman's Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth's web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.
(Source: Babies Online)
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Should You Bring Your Baby into Bed?
Should You Bring Your Baby into Bed?
Factors and precautions to consider
By Susan Spicer
Many parents find bringing their babies into bed helps make nights a little easier. But a recent statement by the Canadian Paediatric Society (CPS) has called bed sharing into question: "For the first year of life, the safest place for babies to sleep is in their own crib, and in the parent's room for the first six months," says the statement.
Dr. Denis Leduc is one of the authors of the statement and is former chair of the CPS community paediatrics committee. Leduc explains that in recent years there's been an increased pursuit of the causes of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). While we can't yet identify the exact causes of these unexpected deaths, researchers continue to identify specific risk factors.
It's difficult for health professionals and parents alike to weigh the risks, the odds and the evidence against the reality of family life. If, for instance, you're breastfeeding your baby --which Leduc says in and of itself is probably protective against SIDS-- and getting up frequently throughout the night to get the baby from the crib and then struggling to stay awake while you feed him, chances are you'll end up tired and frustrated. Should a mom who brings a baby into bed to nurse more comfortably and then drifts off to sleep worry that she is putting her baby at risk?
The CPS statement acknowledges that bed sharing is widespread and has, in fact, increased in Canada. (In 1999, almost 83 percent of 1,500 parents responding to a Today's Parent survey said they shared sleep with their babies at least some of the time.) So, how does Leduc respond to a parent who wants to know how to bed-share safely? Leduc says parents have to know the risk factors associated with SIDS. "The evidence we have doesn't allow me to recommend bed haring, but if you eliminate all the risk factors that have been identified -- if you've never smoked, if you don't drink or take drugs, if the family bed is really free of all of the things that a aby could get wrapped up or tangled in, if it's a firm mattress and not a waterbed — then bed sharing is in all likelihood safe."
Source: todaysparent.com
Factors and precautions to consider
By Susan Spicer
Many parents find bringing their babies into bed helps make nights a little easier. But a recent statement by the Canadian Paediatric Society (CPS) has called bed sharing into question: "For the first year of life, the safest place for babies to sleep is in their own crib, and in the parent's room for the first six months," says the statement.
Dr. Denis Leduc is one of the authors of the statement and is former chair of the CPS community paediatrics committee. Leduc explains that in recent years there's been an increased pursuit of the causes of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). While we can't yet identify the exact causes of these unexpected deaths, researchers continue to identify specific risk factors.
It's difficult for health professionals and parents alike to weigh the risks, the odds and the evidence against the reality of family life. If, for instance, you're breastfeeding your baby --which Leduc says in and of itself is probably protective against SIDS-- and getting up frequently throughout the night to get the baby from the crib and then struggling to stay awake while you feed him, chances are you'll end up tired and frustrated. Should a mom who brings a baby into bed to nurse more comfortably and then drifts off to sleep worry that she is putting her baby at risk?
The CPS statement acknowledges that bed sharing is widespread and has, in fact, increased in Canada. (In 1999, almost 83 percent of 1,500 parents responding to a Today's Parent survey said they shared sleep with their babies at least some of the time.) So, how does Leduc respond to a parent who wants to know how to bed-share safely? Leduc says parents have to know the risk factors associated with SIDS. "The evidence we have doesn't allow me to recommend bed haring, but if you eliminate all the risk factors that have been identified -- if you've never smoked, if you don't drink or take drugs, if the family bed is really free of all of the things that a aby could get wrapped up or tangled in, if it's a firm mattress and not a waterbed — then bed sharing is in all likelihood safe."
Source: todaysparent.com
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Wonderful Sounds for Sleep
By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of No Cry Sleep Solution
The environment that your baby enjoyed for nine long months in the womb was not one of absolute quiet. There was a constant symphony of sound -- your heartbeat and fluids rushing in and out of the placenta. (Remember those sounds from when you listened to your baby's heartbeat with the Doppler stethoscope?) Research indicates that "white noise" sounds or soft bedtime music helps many babies to relax and fall asleep more easily. This is most certainly because these sounds create an environment more familiar to your baby than a very quiet room.
Many people enjoy using soothing music as their baby's sleep sound. If you do, choose bedtime music carefully. Some music (including jazz and much classical music) is too complex and stimulating. For music to be soothing to your baby, pick simple, repetitive, predictable music, like traditional lullabies. Tapes created especially for putting babies to sleep are great choices. Pick something that you will enjoy listening to night after night, too. (Using a tape player with an automatic repeat function is helpful for keeping the music going as long as you need it to play.)
There are widely available, and very lovely, "nature sounds" tapes that work nicely, too, as well those small sound-generating or white-noise devices and clocks you may have seen in stores. The sounds on these -- raindrops, a bubbling brook or running water -- often are similar to those sounds your baby heard in utero. A ticking clock or a bubbling fish tank also make wonderful white-noise options.
"I went out today and bought a small aquarium and the humming noise does seem to relax Chloe and help her to sleep. I didn't buy any fish though. Who has time to take care of fish when you're half asleep all day?" Tanya, mother of 13-month-old Chloe You can find some suitable tapes and CDs made especially for babies or those made for adults to listen to when they want to relax. Whatever you choose, listen to it first and ask yourself: Does this relax me? Would it
make me feel sleepy if I listened to it in bed?
If you must put your baby to sleep in a noisy, active house full of people, keeping the tape running (auto rewind) will help mask baby-waking noises like dishes clanking, people talking, siblings giggling, TV, dogs barking, etc. This can also help transition your sleeping baby from a noisy daytime house to which he's become accustomed subconsciously to one of absolute nighttime quiet.
Once your baby is familiar with his calming noise, or music, you can use these to help your baby fall back to sleep when he wakes up in the middle of the night. Simply sooth him by playing the music (very quietly) during the calming and falling-asleep time. If he wakes and cries, repeat this process. If your baby gets used to his sleep time sounds you can take advantage of this and take the tape with you if you will be away from home for naptime or bedtime. The familiarity of these sounds will help your baby sleep in an unfamiliar environment.
Eventually your baby will rely on this technique less and less to fall and stay asleep. Don't feel you must rush the process; there is no harm in your baby falling asleep to these gentle sounds. When you are ready to wean him of these you can help this process along by reducing the volume by a small amount every night until you finally don't turn the music or sounds on at all.
Babies enjoy these peaceful sounds, and they are just one more piece in the puzzle that helps you to help your baby sleep - gently, without any crying at all.
About the Author: Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry -- Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman's Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth's web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.
(Source: Babyies Online)
The environment that your baby enjoyed for nine long months in the womb was not one of absolute quiet. There was a constant symphony of sound -- your heartbeat and fluids rushing in and out of the placenta. (Remember those sounds from when you listened to your baby's heartbeat with the Doppler stethoscope?) Research indicates that "white noise" sounds or soft bedtime music helps many babies to relax and fall asleep more easily. This is most certainly because these sounds create an environment more familiar to your baby than a very quiet room.
Many people enjoy using soothing music as their baby's sleep sound. If you do, choose bedtime music carefully. Some music (including jazz and much classical music) is too complex and stimulating. For music to be soothing to your baby, pick simple, repetitive, predictable music, like traditional lullabies. Tapes created especially for putting babies to sleep are great choices. Pick something that you will enjoy listening to night after night, too. (Using a tape player with an automatic repeat function is helpful for keeping the music going as long as you need it to play.)
There are widely available, and very lovely, "nature sounds" tapes that work nicely, too, as well those small sound-generating or white-noise devices and clocks you may have seen in stores. The sounds on these -- raindrops, a bubbling brook or running water -- often are similar to those sounds your baby heard in utero. A ticking clock or a bubbling fish tank also make wonderful white-noise options.
"I went out today and bought a small aquarium and the humming noise does seem to relax Chloe and help her to sleep. I didn't buy any fish though. Who has time to take care of fish when you're half asleep all day?" Tanya, mother of 13-month-old Chloe You can find some suitable tapes and CDs made especially for babies or those made for adults to listen to when they want to relax. Whatever you choose, listen to it first and ask yourself: Does this relax me? Would it
make me feel sleepy if I listened to it in bed?
If you must put your baby to sleep in a noisy, active house full of people, keeping the tape running (auto rewind) will help mask baby-waking noises like dishes clanking, people talking, siblings giggling, TV, dogs barking, etc. This can also help transition your sleeping baby from a noisy daytime house to which he's become accustomed subconsciously to one of absolute nighttime quiet.
Once your baby is familiar with his calming noise, or music, you can use these to help your baby fall back to sleep when he wakes up in the middle of the night. Simply sooth him by playing the music (very quietly) during the calming and falling-asleep time. If he wakes and cries, repeat this process. If your baby gets used to his sleep time sounds you can take advantage of this and take the tape with you if you will be away from home for naptime or bedtime. The familiarity of these sounds will help your baby sleep in an unfamiliar environment.
Eventually your baby will rely on this technique less and less to fall and stay asleep. Don't feel you must rush the process; there is no harm in your baby falling asleep to these gentle sounds. When you are ready to wean him of these you can help this process along by reducing the volume by a small amount every night until you finally don't turn the music or sounds on at all.
Babies enjoy these peaceful sounds, and they are just one more piece in the puzzle that helps you to help your baby sleep - gently, without any crying at all.
About the Author: Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry -- Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman's Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth's web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.
(Source: Babyies Online)
Friday, February 24, 2006
Breastfeeding: A Little Voice
After thirty-one hours of labor my little Peanut (aka Chantal) made her debut into this world three weeks early and just less than six pounds.
I didn't get to hold my little angel after she was born. I barely got to see her. All I saw was the NICU nurses fussing over her on the other side of the room. They were about to whisk Chantal away when I cried out to see her. They merely held her up and tilted her in my general direction as they scurried out the door with my husband hot on the trail.
Several hours later they brought her to me so that I could nurse. I was taken aback by how little she was. Little but beautiful.
She was somewhat drowsy so I thought nothing of it when she wouldn't latch on.
A few hours later, I painfully waddled my way to the NICU to try again. I was anxious to hold my little girl and establish that wonderful bond I had heard so much about.
As I approached her incubator I felt a pang of sympathy and worry upon seeing the intravenous tube coming out of her tiny hand and all the monitors she was hooked up to. She had developed jaundice and was a little dehydrated.
I carefully lifted my little peanut out of her incubator and brought her, along with all of her tubes and IV drip, to the nursing area.
My second attempt at nursing was a dismal failure. Not only did she not latch on but also screamed in frustration as several pairs of hands trying to get her to latch jostled her about.
The nurses then "told me" that they would have to bottle-feed her. I assumed that this was absolutely necessary and that I didn't have any say in the matter. After all, they were the professionals ...right?
When I returned two hours later I was told that Chantal's jaundice had become serious and that we wouldn't be able to go home until this was under control.
For the next several days I stayed in the "family room" which felt more like a bed in a closet. My husband would come every evening to keep me company and spend as much time as he could with Chantal.
Every three hours I would make my way to the NICU to try and nurse Chantal. Every time it was worse. She would thrash about and wail until I couldn't bear it anymore. Enter nurse with bottle.
By the time I pumped and trudged my way back to NICU with my meager offerings I might have gotten one hour of sleep between attempts.
In retrospect I can see now that everything that went on during those four days created a very confused little baby.
I was told that my nipples were too flat, or inverted, or that I didn't have enough milk etc. We tried breast shields, lactation aids, and even had to resort to tube feeding her when she refused the bottle as well.
My poor little girl was so exhausted that she couldn't even bother to suck anymore.
On several occasions, Chantal's thrashing and screaming would be too much to bear and I would find myself crying right along with her. I started to doubt my ability to breastfeed. But as I made my way back to my room that little voice inside of me would whisper, "don't give up".
Four days later I took my little treasure home....the elusive latch still not established.
Over the next week I became a nervous wreck. Everyone, including my mother and my husband (who at this point was very worried about my state of mind and lack of sleep) suggested that perhaps I should give up on breastfeeding.
But something in my heart kept telling me to keep trying....
One week later my pediatrician told me that Chantal "looked like a baby from a starving country". He suggested that I quit breastfeeding and stick with formula.
With tears streaming down my face I exited the doctor's office and hurried to my car as quickly as possible. My husband caught up with me to find me sobbing and feeling guilty about "starving my baby".
He reassured me that I was doing a great job.
As the tears subsided my guilt and humiliation turned to anger and determination. Again, something kept telling me not to give up on her.
I became sleep deprived and fell into postpartum depression as I continued to attempt breastfeeding every three hours around the clock. At each failure my husband would attempt to bottle-feed her my expressed breast milk.
Her intake was less than adequate. Maybe the doctor was right. Was I hurting my baby with my stubbornness to breastfeed? I couldn't even explain or justify my desire to keep trying.
Two weeks had now passed. It felt like a lifetime. In the dark hours of early morning, I dragged myself out of bed to rouse my tiny baby from a deep sleep to try nursing yet again.
I sat myself down and mentally prepared myself for the possibility of another failure. I gently put Chantal on her nursing pillow and tried to latch her onto the right side. She rooted and squirmed and began to whine in frustration. This wasn't going to work... again.
I mechanically repositioned her and half-heartedly tried once again.
My heart skipped a beat....I felt a momentary tug. Was I imagining it? I quickly readjusted Chantal and tried again. I dared not get my hopes up.
That little voice inside me was screaming as I gently guided her tiny mouth to my nipple. She opened wide and hit her mark!
No crying, no whining, no thrashing. Just a little chin moving up and down as she collected her reward.
When those big brown eyes looked up at me I was overcome with emotion and the tears began flowing down my cheeks. I wanted to laugh out loud I was so giddy with joy...but I dared not move in case I broke the latch!
We have never looked back. It has not been an easy journey. We never did establish a perfect latch, which I now know, was caused by all the well meant but counter productive interventions in her first few days of life.
Nipple confusion DOES exist. I have battled with thrush and extremely sore nipples for 11 months due to the less than perfect latch.
I have had to deal with milk production issues along the way and due to some complications resulting from childbirth I also had surgery when Chantal was only 3.5 months old. Yet, now that I have experienced the joys and rewards of breastfeeding, I can easily say that I would gladly do it all again.
My heart aches whenever I think of what I would have missed had I given up on breastfeeding. I believe that the emotional well-being and gratification experienced by breastfeeding mothers is unequalled by any other experience.
The bond that exists between a mother and her nursling is unique. There is nothing that can soothe an upset baby like putting her to the breast.
Whenever my little one is not well or is frightened I can instantly calm her by nursing.
I must mention that I also discovered breastfeeding to be the best cure for hiccups! So for any new mommies out there, who doubt themselves or are being pressured not to breast feed, make sure you listen to that little voice inside you called "mother's instinct".
Breastfeeding your baby is more than just a mutual benefit...it's a blessing.
By: Sylvie Plourde (breastfeeding.com)
I didn't get to hold my little angel after she was born. I barely got to see her. All I saw was the NICU nurses fussing over her on the other side of the room. They were about to whisk Chantal away when I cried out to see her. They merely held her up and tilted her in my general direction as they scurried out the door with my husband hot on the trail.
Several hours later they brought her to me so that I could nurse. I was taken aback by how little she was. Little but beautiful.
She was somewhat drowsy so I thought nothing of it when she wouldn't latch on.
A few hours later, I painfully waddled my way to the NICU to try again. I was anxious to hold my little girl and establish that wonderful bond I had heard so much about.
As I approached her incubator I felt a pang of sympathy and worry upon seeing the intravenous tube coming out of her tiny hand and all the monitors she was hooked up to. She had developed jaundice and was a little dehydrated.
I carefully lifted my little peanut out of her incubator and brought her, along with all of her tubes and IV drip, to the nursing area.
My second attempt at nursing was a dismal failure. Not only did she not latch on but also screamed in frustration as several pairs of hands trying to get her to latch jostled her about.
The nurses then "told me" that they would have to bottle-feed her. I assumed that this was absolutely necessary and that I didn't have any say in the matter. After all, they were the professionals ...right?
When I returned two hours later I was told that Chantal's jaundice had become serious and that we wouldn't be able to go home until this was under control.
For the next several days I stayed in the "family room" which felt more like a bed in a closet. My husband would come every evening to keep me company and spend as much time as he could with Chantal.
Every three hours I would make my way to the NICU to try and nurse Chantal. Every time it was worse. She would thrash about and wail until I couldn't bear it anymore. Enter nurse with bottle.
By the time I pumped and trudged my way back to NICU with my meager offerings I might have gotten one hour of sleep between attempts.
In retrospect I can see now that everything that went on during those four days created a very confused little baby.
I was told that my nipples were too flat, or inverted, or that I didn't have enough milk etc. We tried breast shields, lactation aids, and even had to resort to tube feeding her when she refused the bottle as well.
My poor little girl was so exhausted that she couldn't even bother to suck anymore.
On several occasions, Chantal's thrashing and screaming would be too much to bear and I would find myself crying right along with her. I started to doubt my ability to breastfeed. But as I made my way back to my room that little voice inside of me would whisper, "don't give up".
Four days later I took my little treasure home....the elusive latch still not established.
Over the next week I became a nervous wreck. Everyone, including my mother and my husband (who at this point was very worried about my state of mind and lack of sleep) suggested that perhaps I should give up on breastfeeding.
But something in my heart kept telling me to keep trying....
One week later my pediatrician told me that Chantal "looked like a baby from a starving country". He suggested that I quit breastfeeding and stick with formula.
With tears streaming down my face I exited the doctor's office and hurried to my car as quickly as possible. My husband caught up with me to find me sobbing and feeling guilty about "starving my baby".
He reassured me that I was doing a great job.
As the tears subsided my guilt and humiliation turned to anger and determination. Again, something kept telling me not to give up on her.
I became sleep deprived and fell into postpartum depression as I continued to attempt breastfeeding every three hours around the clock. At each failure my husband would attempt to bottle-feed her my expressed breast milk.
Her intake was less than adequate. Maybe the doctor was right. Was I hurting my baby with my stubbornness to breastfeed? I couldn't even explain or justify my desire to keep trying.
Two weeks had now passed. It felt like a lifetime. In the dark hours of early morning, I dragged myself out of bed to rouse my tiny baby from a deep sleep to try nursing yet again.
I sat myself down and mentally prepared myself for the possibility of another failure. I gently put Chantal on her nursing pillow and tried to latch her onto the right side. She rooted and squirmed and began to whine in frustration. This wasn't going to work... again.
I mechanically repositioned her and half-heartedly tried once again.
My heart skipped a beat....I felt a momentary tug. Was I imagining it? I quickly readjusted Chantal and tried again. I dared not get my hopes up.
That little voice inside me was screaming as I gently guided her tiny mouth to my nipple. She opened wide and hit her mark!
No crying, no whining, no thrashing. Just a little chin moving up and down as she collected her reward.
When those big brown eyes looked up at me I was overcome with emotion and the tears began flowing down my cheeks. I wanted to laugh out loud I was so giddy with joy...but I dared not move in case I broke the latch!
We have never looked back. It has not been an easy journey. We never did establish a perfect latch, which I now know, was caused by all the well meant but counter productive interventions in her first few days of life.
Nipple confusion DOES exist. I have battled with thrush and extremely sore nipples for 11 months due to the less than perfect latch.
I have had to deal with milk production issues along the way and due to some complications resulting from childbirth I also had surgery when Chantal was only 3.5 months old. Yet, now that I have experienced the joys and rewards of breastfeeding, I can easily say that I would gladly do it all again.
My heart aches whenever I think of what I would have missed had I given up on breastfeeding. I believe that the emotional well-being and gratification experienced by breastfeeding mothers is unequalled by any other experience.
The bond that exists between a mother and her nursling is unique. There is nothing that can soothe an upset baby like putting her to the breast.
Whenever my little one is not well or is frightened I can instantly calm her by nursing.
I must mention that I also discovered breastfeeding to be the best cure for hiccups! So for any new mommies out there, who doubt themselves or are being pressured not to breast feed, make sure you listen to that little voice inside you called "mother's instinct".
Breastfeeding your baby is more than just a mutual benefit...it's a blessing.
By: Sylvie Plourde (breastfeeding.com)
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
How to Go Gently into that Good Night - Baby Sleep Tricks
By Teresa Pitman
By the time my first baby was a month old, I was exhausted, worried about doing something wrong, and completely confused by all the conflicting advice I was getting.
I'd nurse him, and he'd fall asleep at the breast. Then I'd try to shift him to the crib, and he'd wake up immediately - often before his little body even touched the mattress.
Put him in the crib while he's still awake but sleepy, someone advised me. But I never could figure that one out. If he was getting sleepy as he nursed and I took him off the breast, he'd start to cry frantically.
Four babies later, I'd learned a few tricks - and that what works beautifully with one baby may not work at all with another. With that in mind, here are some tips from parents who've been there and have the dark circles under their eyes to prove it:
Let your baby's sense of touch help. Put a receiving blanket into the dryer so it's nice and warm, then use it to wrap your baby in before putting him in the crib. (You can also try warming the crib mattress and sheets, before laying your baby down, with a heating pad set at a moderate temperature, or a hot water bottle, so there's no sudden change in temperature.)
For the early months, many infants like to be wrapped snugly. Some startle themselves awake, flinging their limbs out and crying. Swaddling these babies may help them sleep longer. Just make sure your baby isn't overheated - the back of her neck should not be hot and damp.
If you lay your baby down asleep, try gently patting her tummy (remember that babies should always be put to sleep on their backs). Gradually make your touch lighter and softer until you can remove your hand and baby stays asleep.
Source: TodaysParent.com
By the time my first baby was a month old, I was exhausted, worried about doing something wrong, and completely confused by all the conflicting advice I was getting.
I'd nurse him, and he'd fall asleep at the breast. Then I'd try to shift him to the crib, and he'd wake up immediately - often before his little body even touched the mattress.
Put him in the crib while he's still awake but sleepy, someone advised me. But I never could figure that one out. If he was getting sleepy as he nursed and I took him off the breast, he'd start to cry frantically.
Four babies later, I'd learned a few tricks - and that what works beautifully with one baby may not work at all with another. With that in mind, here are some tips from parents who've been there and have the dark circles under their eyes to prove it:
Let your baby's sense of touch help. Put a receiving blanket into the dryer so it's nice and warm, then use it to wrap your baby in before putting him in the crib. (You can also try warming the crib mattress and sheets, before laying your baby down, with a heating pad set at a moderate temperature, or a hot water bottle, so there's no sudden change in temperature.)
For the early months, many infants like to be wrapped snugly. Some startle themselves awake, flinging their limbs out and crying. Swaddling these babies may help them sleep longer. Just make sure your baby isn't overheated - the back of her neck should not be hot and damp.
If you lay your baby down asleep, try gently patting her tummy (remember that babies should always be put to sleep on their backs). Gradually make your touch lighter and softer until you can remove your hand and baby stays asleep.
Source: TodaysParent.com
Friday, January 27, 2006
What is Hypoglycaemia
Hypoglycaemia means 'low blood sugar'. If a baby - or anyone else for that matter - is hypoglycaemic, and the condition is left untreated, there is a risk of health problems, some of which can be serious.
Every single cell in the body needs a supply of sugar - glucose - to maintain good functioning. The healthy newborn baby makes glucose from the sugar and other nutrients in colostrum and, later, mature breast milk. The amount of glucose in the blood is measurable, and if it falls below a healthy level and remains there, a baby could become tired, floppy, and may have convulsions. If the level remains low for a long time, then it's possible brain damage could result.
Which babies are at risk? The vast majority of healthy, term babies are not at risk of hypoglycaemia. They can cope with normal dips in blood sugar level very easily. If they're given 'free access' to the breast, they will take the milk they need to ensure their sugar levels remain healthy.
However, some babies are at risk. These include:
- Pre-term babies and small-for-gestational-age babies may have poor stores of glycogen in the liver (needed to make glucose), and be short of body fat, too (meaning they can't draw on fats for energy). In addition, they may be sleepy and hard to feed.
- Babies of mothers who are diabetic may also be at risk.
- Babies who have had breathing difficulties at birth.
- Babies who have suffered hypothermia (excessive coldness).
Babies at risk of low blood sugar normally have blood tests to check their blood sugar levels are within normal limits. The usual way of testing is to take a pinprick of blood from the foot, and to test it with either a reagent strip, which changes colour according to the sugar detected, or with a ward-based or lab-based device which checks for sugar electronically.
Why can testing be a problem?
There have been problems with hypoglycaemia testing, and some routines have been criticised by experts and researchers. In some hospitals babies are tested for hypoglycaemia if they haven have not had a feed after a certain number of hours, though the hours quoted varies from hospital to hospital. In some hospitals all babies under a certain birthweight are tested .
There is no agreement on what constitutes 'low' blood sugar in a term baby - textbooks differ widely, and doctors' own definitions vary. There may also be differences of opinion on how long a baby may safely show low blood sugar.
Newborns may be tested when there are no risk factors which can lead to unnecessary interference, concern and anxiety. Coupled with the lack of agreement on a definition of the condition, and how long it may be left, it may also lead to babies being supplemented with formula milk unneccesarily.
Testing with reagent strips is known to be inaccurate. Lab testing is accurate, but it's not always available. And there is a lot of difference in opinion as to how long a baby can go without being fed.
How does this affect breastfeeding?
In the mid-90s, the World Health Organisation became concerned that hypoglycaemia testing was affecting breastfeeding. Confusion and conflicting advice - even between midwives and doctors working on the same maternity unit were affecting mother's who were breastfeeding. Often the first response when a breastfed baby was thought to be hypoglycaemic, was to give a bottle of formula milk (or sometimes, sugar water). This does indeed tend to raise the blood sugar level - and fairly quickly. But giving formula milk, or anything else, has serious disadvantages as well.
- a large amount of formula is not normal, and it can distend your baby's stomach and mean his gut 'expects' a similar volume when he next breastfeeds
- a large amount of formula can make your baby too sleepy to be interested in the breast for some time
- this sort of testing may affect your confidence and make you feel your breastmilk is not good enough for your baby
- bottles given before your baby has learnt to breastfeed effectively may affect his ability to come back to the breast and suckle correctly
- exclusive breastfeeding - without any other foods or liquids at all - has been shown to give the best protection against allergies and other conditions.
What's the situation now?
The World Health Organisation brought out a proper study of all the available work done on hypoglycaemia testing, and developed a set of recommendations. The National Childbirth Trust also published guidelines on testing and treatment.
These publications point out that we don't really know what the 'correct' level of hypoglycaemia is in a healthy, term breastfed newborn - so when babies are tested, no one really knows what they're looking for. And more than that, there's no evidence that low blood sugar without any other signs of illness is harmful.
So routine testing of healthy, term newborns who show no signs of low blood sugar simply isn't warranted by the clinical evidence. You'd think that would mean the end of unnecessary testing, but the picture in the UK is still very variable.
The new guidelines, new papers in the journals, and the discussion they've led to, mean a lot of maternity units are revising their policies about hypoglycaemia, but change in some places happens very slowly.
What can I do if my baby is sleepy?
Most newborns wake and want frequent feeding especially in the first few days. But some babies are sleepy in the first couple of days or so, and feeding can take that time, and even longer, to really get going.
That's even more likely to be the case in babies whose mothers had pethidine or diamorphine for pain relief in labour, because this can cause a baby to be very sleepy for the first few days.
There's no good research into how long it's safe to leave a baby without being fed. But in fact, maternity units who support breastfeeding won't be looking at the clock, but the baby.
Sleepy babies do need observation, and encouragement to perk up and feed. If your baby's like this, keep him tucked up with you, giving him lots of skin-to-skin contact so you can respond to him as soon as he looks as if he might stir (it's a lot easier when he's next to you, rather than lying in a crib). Your baby is more likely to perk up when he feels and smells you and your milk.
If it's suggested your baby does need testing, then there may be a good reason - and you should be given the chance to ask all the questions you need. You could also discuss giving your baby your expressed colostrum from a spoon or cup, instead of using formula milk.
Some babies will need some formula milk for medical reasons. If this happens to your baby it need not affect your long term plans to breastfeed. Make sure you have the support and advice of a lactation specialist, midwife or breastfeeding counsellor and get help and assistance with breastfeeding as and when you need it.
(www.babycenter.co.uk)
Every single cell in the body needs a supply of sugar - glucose - to maintain good functioning. The healthy newborn baby makes glucose from the sugar and other nutrients in colostrum and, later, mature breast milk. The amount of glucose in the blood is measurable, and if it falls below a healthy level and remains there, a baby could become tired, floppy, and may have convulsions. If the level remains low for a long time, then it's possible brain damage could result.
Which babies are at risk? The vast majority of healthy, term babies are not at risk of hypoglycaemia. They can cope with normal dips in blood sugar level very easily. If they're given 'free access' to the breast, they will take the milk they need to ensure their sugar levels remain healthy.
However, some babies are at risk. These include:
- Pre-term babies and small-for-gestational-age babies may have poor stores of glycogen in the liver (needed to make glucose), and be short of body fat, too (meaning they can't draw on fats for energy). In addition, they may be sleepy and hard to feed.
- Babies of mothers who are diabetic may also be at risk.
- Babies who have had breathing difficulties at birth.
- Babies who have suffered hypothermia (excessive coldness).
Babies at risk of low blood sugar normally have blood tests to check their blood sugar levels are within normal limits. The usual way of testing is to take a pinprick of blood from the foot, and to test it with either a reagent strip, which changes colour according to the sugar detected, or with a ward-based or lab-based device which checks for sugar electronically.
Why can testing be a problem?
There have been problems with hypoglycaemia testing, and some routines have been criticised by experts and researchers. In some hospitals babies are tested for hypoglycaemia if they haven have not had a feed after a certain number of hours, though the hours quoted varies from hospital to hospital. In some hospitals all babies under a certain birthweight are tested .
There is no agreement on what constitutes 'low' blood sugar in a term baby - textbooks differ widely, and doctors' own definitions vary. There may also be differences of opinion on how long a baby may safely show low blood sugar.
Newborns may be tested when there are no risk factors which can lead to unnecessary interference, concern and anxiety. Coupled with the lack of agreement on a definition of the condition, and how long it may be left, it may also lead to babies being supplemented with formula milk unneccesarily.
Testing with reagent strips is known to be inaccurate. Lab testing is accurate, but it's not always available. And there is a lot of difference in opinion as to how long a baby can go without being fed.
How does this affect breastfeeding?
In the mid-90s, the World Health Organisation became concerned that hypoglycaemia testing was affecting breastfeeding. Confusion and conflicting advice - even between midwives and doctors working on the same maternity unit were affecting mother's who were breastfeeding. Often the first response when a breastfed baby was thought to be hypoglycaemic, was to give a bottle of formula milk (or sometimes, sugar water). This does indeed tend to raise the blood sugar level - and fairly quickly. But giving formula milk, or anything else, has serious disadvantages as well.
- a large amount of formula is not normal, and it can distend your baby's stomach and mean his gut 'expects' a similar volume when he next breastfeeds
- a large amount of formula can make your baby too sleepy to be interested in the breast for some time
- this sort of testing may affect your confidence and make you feel your breastmilk is not good enough for your baby
- bottles given before your baby has learnt to breastfeed effectively may affect his ability to come back to the breast and suckle correctly
- exclusive breastfeeding - without any other foods or liquids at all - has been shown to give the best protection against allergies and other conditions.
What's the situation now?
The World Health Organisation brought out a proper study of all the available work done on hypoglycaemia testing, and developed a set of recommendations. The National Childbirth Trust also published guidelines on testing and treatment.
These publications point out that we don't really know what the 'correct' level of hypoglycaemia is in a healthy, term breastfed newborn - so when babies are tested, no one really knows what they're looking for. And more than that, there's no evidence that low blood sugar without any other signs of illness is harmful.
So routine testing of healthy, term newborns who show no signs of low blood sugar simply isn't warranted by the clinical evidence. You'd think that would mean the end of unnecessary testing, but the picture in the UK is still very variable.
The new guidelines, new papers in the journals, and the discussion they've led to, mean a lot of maternity units are revising their policies about hypoglycaemia, but change in some places happens very slowly.
What can I do if my baby is sleepy?
Most newborns wake and want frequent feeding especially in the first few days. But some babies are sleepy in the first couple of days or so, and feeding can take that time, and even longer, to really get going.
That's even more likely to be the case in babies whose mothers had pethidine or diamorphine for pain relief in labour, because this can cause a baby to be very sleepy for the first few days.
There's no good research into how long it's safe to leave a baby without being fed. But in fact, maternity units who support breastfeeding won't be looking at the clock, but the baby.
Sleepy babies do need observation, and encouragement to perk up and feed. If your baby's like this, keep him tucked up with you, giving him lots of skin-to-skin contact so you can respond to him as soon as he looks as if he might stir (it's a lot easier when he's next to you, rather than lying in a crib). Your baby is more likely to perk up when he feels and smells you and your milk.
If it's suggested your baby does need testing, then there may be a good reason - and you should be given the chance to ask all the questions you need. You could also discuss giving your baby your expressed colostrum from a spoon or cup, instead of using formula milk.
Some babies will need some formula milk for medical reasons. If this happens to your baby it need not affect your long term plans to breastfeed. Make sure you have the support and advice of a lactation specialist, midwife or breastfeeding counsellor and get help and assistance with breastfeeding as and when you need it.
(www.babycenter.co.uk)
Friday, January 20, 2006
BREASTFED BABIES MAY BECOME LEARNER KIDS
A new study suggests that the longer infants are breastfed, the lower the likelihood they'll be overweight as adolescents, a relationship that does not appear to be influenced by sociocultural factors.
The findings, published in the journal Epidemiology, add to the not always consistent body of research on breastfeeding and childhood weight gain. While a number of studies have suggested that breastfed babies are less likely to become overweight than bottle-fed infants, others have found no such benefit or that the weight difference does not last far into childhood.
In the new study, however, Harvard researchers found that even within a single family, children who were breastfed for a longer time were slightly less likely to become overweight than their siblings who were breastfed for a shorter period.
The difference within families was similar to that found in the study population as a whole, where each 4-month increase in breastfeeding was linked to a 6 percent dip in the risk of becoming overweight by adolescence.
Since siblings are raised under much the same circumstances, the findings "lend credence" to the idea that breastfeeding itself confers a weight benefit, Dr. Matthew W. Gillman, the study's lead author, told Reuters Health.
One of the obstacles in studying the effects of breastfeeding on childhood weight is that both are "socially patterned," explained Gillman, an associate professor of nutrition at the Harvard School of Public Health in Boston.
For example, mothers with more education or higher incomes are more likely to breastfeed, and their children are also less likely to be overweight. So studies need to control for such influences.
Following families in which siblings had different breastfeeding patterns accomplishes that to a large degree.
For their study, Gillman and his colleagues surveyed 5,614 siblings between the ages of 9 and 14 who were part of a larger study that had previously linked longer breastfeeding duration to a lower risk of obesity later in life.
The fact that the findings within families were close to those in the overall group suggests that breastfeeding itself affects weight later in life, according to the researchers.
The reason is not entirely clear, but one general theory, Gillman said, is that breast milk has lasting metabolic effects that aid in weight control. Another, he added, is that breastfeeding has behavioral effects; with breastfeeding, the length of any one feeding depends mostly on the baby, whereas mothers who bottle-feed may keep feeding their infants until the bottle is empty.
In this way, Gillman explained, breastfeeding may encourage more "self-regulation" of calorie intake later in life.
Whatever the effects of breastfeeding on a child's weight, he noted, breast milk is considered the best nutrition for infants, so the possibility of weight benefits could be seen as a potential bonus to a healthy practice.
Experts recommend that babies be breastfeed exclusively for at least the first six months of life.
(Reuters; SOURCE: Epidemiology, January 2006)
The findings, published in the journal Epidemiology, add to the not always consistent body of research on breastfeeding and childhood weight gain. While a number of studies have suggested that breastfed babies are less likely to become overweight than bottle-fed infants, others have found no such benefit or that the weight difference does not last far into childhood.
In the new study, however, Harvard researchers found that even within a single family, children who were breastfed for a longer time were slightly less likely to become overweight than their siblings who were breastfed for a shorter period.
The difference within families was similar to that found in the study population as a whole, where each 4-month increase in breastfeeding was linked to a 6 percent dip in the risk of becoming overweight by adolescence.
Since siblings are raised under much the same circumstances, the findings "lend credence" to the idea that breastfeeding itself confers a weight benefit, Dr. Matthew W. Gillman, the study's lead author, told Reuters Health.
One of the obstacles in studying the effects of breastfeeding on childhood weight is that both are "socially patterned," explained Gillman, an associate professor of nutrition at the Harvard School of Public Health in Boston.
For example, mothers with more education or higher incomes are more likely to breastfeed, and their children are also less likely to be overweight. So studies need to control for such influences.
Following families in which siblings had different breastfeeding patterns accomplishes that to a large degree.
For their study, Gillman and his colleagues surveyed 5,614 siblings between the ages of 9 and 14 who were part of a larger study that had previously linked longer breastfeeding duration to a lower risk of obesity later in life.
The fact that the findings within families were close to those in the overall group suggests that breastfeeding itself affects weight later in life, according to the researchers.
The reason is not entirely clear, but one general theory, Gillman said, is that breast milk has lasting metabolic effects that aid in weight control. Another, he added, is that breastfeeding has behavioral effects; with breastfeeding, the length of any one feeding depends mostly on the baby, whereas mothers who bottle-feed may keep feeding their infants until the bottle is empty.
In this way, Gillman explained, breastfeeding may encourage more "self-regulation" of calorie intake later in life.
Whatever the effects of breastfeeding on a child's weight, he noted, breast milk is considered the best nutrition for infants, so the possibility of weight benefits could be seen as a potential bonus to a healthy practice.
Experts recommend that babies be breastfeed exclusively for at least the first six months of life.
(Reuters; SOURCE: Epidemiology, January 2006)
SCIENTISTS WARN OF RISE IN BABIES' SOFA DEATHS
By Reuters
January 17, 2006
Cases of babies dying from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) have fallen dramatically over 20 years but deaths while sleeping with a parent on a sofa have risen 400 percent, researchers said on Wednesday.
The findings by doctors at the Royal Hospital for Children in Bristol, England show that campaigns to inform parents about SIDS, or cot deaths, have had an impact.
But Professor Peter Fleming, who headed the research team, said parents need to be aware of the danger of falling asleep with a baby on a sofa.
"The numbers of deaths of babies in bed with their mothers has gone down by 50 percent but the number of deaths on a sofa with a parent has gone up by 400 percent, a four-fold increase," Fleming said in an interview.
"Some of the mothers had not appreciated how hazardous sleeping on a sofa with their baby was," he added.
The reasons why it is so dangerous are unclear.
Although the findings are based on British data, Fleming said the results reported online by The Lancet medical journal would probably be representative of most developed countries.
SIDS, in which babies die inexplicably in their sleep, is the leading cause of death in children under a year old. Its cause is unknown but lying the infant face-down, parental smoking and old mattresses which may harbor bacteria have been cited as possible causes.
Fleming and his team studied data on 369 SIDS deaths between 1984 and 2003 in southern England and compared them with information on 1,300 other babies.
In addition to the rise in SIDS cases on sofas, they also uncovered a huge increase in the proportion of cot deaths in deprived families.
Although the number of SIDS deaths in poor families had dropped during the course of the study, it had not fallen as quickly as in other groups.
Women in poorer socio-economic groups were also more likely to smoke. Eighty-six percent of babies in the study who died in the last 5 years had mothers who smoked, according to Fleming.
"Smoking contributes both directly and by virtue of its association with poverty," he said.
Fleming added that the prevention message to reduce cot deaths should be targeted at the most economically deprived groups.
"Of the deaths that are still happening, at least three-quarters are potentially preventable with the knowledge we have," he said.
January 17, 2006
Cases of babies dying from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) have fallen dramatically over 20 years but deaths while sleeping with a parent on a sofa have risen 400 percent, researchers said on Wednesday.
The findings by doctors at the Royal Hospital for Children in Bristol, England show that campaigns to inform parents about SIDS, or cot deaths, have had an impact.
But Professor Peter Fleming, who headed the research team, said parents need to be aware of the danger of falling asleep with a baby on a sofa.
"The numbers of deaths of babies in bed with their mothers has gone down by 50 percent but the number of deaths on a sofa with a parent has gone up by 400 percent, a four-fold increase," Fleming said in an interview.
"Some of the mothers had not appreciated how hazardous sleeping on a sofa with their baby was," he added.
The reasons why it is so dangerous are unclear.
Although the findings are based on British data, Fleming said the results reported online by The Lancet medical journal would probably be representative of most developed countries.
SIDS, in which babies die inexplicably in their sleep, is the leading cause of death in children under a year old. Its cause is unknown but lying the infant face-down, parental smoking and old mattresses which may harbor bacteria have been cited as possible causes.
Fleming and his team studied data on 369 SIDS deaths between 1984 and 2003 in southern England and compared them with information on 1,300 other babies.
In addition to the rise in SIDS cases on sofas, they also uncovered a huge increase in the proportion of cot deaths in deprived families.
Although the number of SIDS deaths in poor families had dropped during the course of the study, it had not fallen as quickly as in other groups.
Women in poorer socio-economic groups were also more likely to smoke. Eighty-six percent of babies in the study who died in the last 5 years had mothers who smoked, according to Fleming.
"Smoking contributes both directly and by virtue of its association with poverty," he said.
Fleming added that the prevention message to reduce cot deaths should be targeted at the most economically deprived groups.
"Of the deaths that are still happening, at least three-quarters are potentially preventable with the knowledge we have," he said.
SPOILING A BABY
Provided by DrGreene.com
Question: I really worry about spoiling my baby. He's a very good baby, but I don't know if it is because I just give him everything he wants or if he is just good natured.
San Mateo, California
Answer: Very young children cannot be spoiled. Some babies have greater needs than others due to their own physical condition, but all babies are very needy! Crying is their only way of communicating these needs to us. If babies didn't cry when they are hungry, or when they need their diaper to be changed, we wouldn't know what and when they need something.
As babies grow, they begin to communicate things other than physical needs. This includes the desire to be held or comforted and the desire to be stimulated. These are healthy desires! A child is spoiled only if they express a desire and someone (usually Mom or Dad, but it can be a Grandparent or other caregiver) gives them what they want each and every time.
If your child has a need, you will not spoil them by meeting that need. In fact, it is very important for you to meet their needs in order to build security, love, and trust. You will not even spoil them by giving them what they desire, unless you always give it to them, even when you don't want to. This is the hard part - it is good to give a baby what he or she wants sometimes, but not all the time.
So how do you know when to do so? A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself if you are giving your baby what they want or if you are giving in to what they want. In most cases if you are giving just because you want to give, you will be doing the best thing for your baby.
Try to avoid being so stressed out by other things in your life that you never feel like giving to your baby -- or at the other extreme, finding your identity in your baby so that you always feel like giving in to them. For more insight on these extremes see related topics. Last Reviewed: January 2001
by Khanh-Van Le-Bucklin, MD
Question: I really worry about spoiling my baby. He's a very good baby, but I don't know if it is because I just give him everything he wants or if he is just good natured.
San Mateo, California
Answer: Very young children cannot be spoiled. Some babies have greater needs than others due to their own physical condition, but all babies are very needy! Crying is their only way of communicating these needs to us. If babies didn't cry when they are hungry, or when they need their diaper to be changed, we wouldn't know what and when they need something.
As babies grow, they begin to communicate things other than physical needs. This includes the desire to be held or comforted and the desire to be stimulated. These are healthy desires! A child is spoiled only if they express a desire and someone (usually Mom or Dad, but it can be a Grandparent or other caregiver) gives them what they want each and every time.
If your child has a need, you will not spoil them by meeting that need. In fact, it is very important for you to meet their needs in order to build security, love, and trust. You will not even spoil them by giving them what they desire, unless you always give it to them, even when you don't want to. This is the hard part - it is good to give a baby what he or she wants sometimes, but not all the time.
So how do you know when to do so? A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself if you are giving your baby what they want or if you are giving in to what they want. In most cases if you are giving just because you want to give, you will be doing the best thing for your baby.
Try to avoid being so stressed out by other things in your life that you never feel like giving to your baby -- or at the other extreme, finding your identity in your baby so that you always feel like giving in to them. For more insight on these extremes see related topics. Last Reviewed: January 2001
by Khanh-Van Le-Bucklin, MD
25 THINGS EVERY MOTHER SHOULD KNOW: How You Mother Your Baby Does Make A Difference
By Martha Sears, R.N.
Twenty-eight years ago I (Martha) became a mother for the first time. Even though I had "R.N." after my name I was pretty frightened. All those babies I'd played "Mommy" with in the hospital were other people's babies, not my own. I had to learn how to be a mother to my little Jimmy from scratch. It was intense and personal learning, and I have been privileged to experience it intensely and personally seven more times.
My husband, Bill, learned along with me all the things we discuss in this book for brand-new mothers. My voice, speaking mother-to-mother, will dominate the book, with Bill's interjected here and there to give his perspective as a father and pediatrician.
This is not a traditional baby-care book. You won't find anything in it about diaper rash, cord care, or how to give a bath. You can get that information from a lot of other sources. Instead, this book is a guide to mothering your baby, and it is as much about the process of becoming a mother as it is about babies. It will help you to get to know your baby better, and we hope that it will also help you understand yourself as you take on this new, motherly role.
We believe that babies have a lot to teach mothers. Listening to your baby and responding to his or her cues will lead you into a parenting style that will help both of you thrive. Biology and infant behavior will help you get started and build your confidence as you and your baby develop a two-way trusting relationship. But this is not an ideal world we live in, and there are forces you'll meet along the way that can make you doubt your mothering intuition. We hope that this book will prepare you for some of those bumps in the road, and will help you meet the challenges and changes ahead.
Mothering and fathering eight children has taught us a lot. We are very different persons from the ones we were before we had children, and most, if not all, of these differences are for the better. Although personal growth is sometimes hard, we've had a lot of fun along the way. Fun in your life with your baby is what will convince you and the baby that life is good. Enjoy your baby!
How you mother your baby does make a difference.
Mothering in the twentieth century has become a tricky business. We can take our babies' survival pretty much for granted, and in this way we differ from all the mothers who have come before us. Instead we worry about whether our babies will grow up to be happy and productive, a more complicated issue.
Nobody yet has scientifically tested and perfected a parenting system that guarantees children will turn out okay. Much of the research focuses on what goes wrong, rather than what goes right, and psychologists from Freud onward have often laid the blame on mothers. This creates a lot of anxiety, as mothers struggle to raise psychologically healthy children. Mothers often feel that the stakes are high on everything they do, and the possibility of making serious mistakes makes the job of parenting seem frightening.
In reaction to Freud, there's another school of thought that suggests that mothers aren't all that critical to their children's psyches. Children need dependable caregivers, yes, but these are more or less interchangeable, and group care not only is satisfactory, it also makes children independent at an earlier age. Babies do prefer their parents, but they really don't need all that one-on-one attention that goes along with traditional mothering. It's interesting that these theories have evolved at a time when more and more mothers of young children are in the workforce.
So where do you fit in? How important are you, a responsive, nurturing, trustworthy mother, to your baby's development? How do you know if you're making a difference?
In the parenting business, science often fails us. It's hard to study behavior that is as complicated as mother-and-infant interactions, much less relate these interactions to how children behave and feel years later. "Experts" speculate, spinning advice out of tiny threads of evidence, but who really knows?
I believe that experienced parents--parents of children who are turning out well---have the answers. Bill and I have talked to thousands of wise and seasoned mothers over the years, and while we don't pretend that this is a scientific sample, we do feel confident about relaying what we've learned from all these families. We believe that how you mother your children makes a difference in the kind of people they become.
The mothering advice that we have given in this book reflects a style that we call attachment parenting. For babies, attachment parenting includes closeness right from birth, responding sensitively to cries, baby wearing, sharing sleep, and breastfeeding. The involvement of the father, both directly with the baby and in support of the mother, is also important. These practices together make up a very nurturing style of baby care, one that yields a wonderful sensitivity between mother and child. The mother understands what the baby is thinking, most of the time, and the baby responds well to the mother's care. Babies who experience attachment parenting rarely need to cry to get their needs met (though they may cry plenty when something hurts or bothers them), because they can communicate in other, more subtle ways. Mothers who nurture in this style feel confident that they are doing the right things for their children, because they feel they can perceive their babies' needs, and because their babies are happiest when they are most responsive. Even high-need babies can be mellowed by this style of parenting into children who are fun to be with.
There are long-range benefits to attachment parenting. As a baby cared for this way turns into a toddler, he is easy to manage. His mother has a pretty good idea of what he is trying to do or say, so the young explorer is less likely to get terribly frustrated. Since he trusts his mother and wants very much to stay in her good graces, a word of warning or some creative redirection from her is often all that's needed to head off problem behavior.
As children of attached parents grow older, the benefits continue. These kids internalize their parents' sensitivity toward them. They have an inner sense of what is right and are bothered when situations violate their values. They know themselves well and can remain true to their own character in the midst of a crowd going in another direction. They are compassionate and understanding with other people. Having learned intimacy from their early closeness with their parents, they go on to establish and maintain healthy relationships with other people. They bring their parents joy and pride.
So, are you important to your baby? Yes, you are. You as his mother know him best and are the person he trusts most and will look to for guidance in the months and years to come. You are his window to the world and his faithful interpreter of what is going on inside him. Your relationship is built on a long history of knowing each other, a history that begins even before birth. Because this relationship is grounded in love and trust and many small interactions, it can tolerate mistakes and misunderstandings. No single moment is critically important. What counts is the harmony that is developing between you.
So relax and enjoy your baby. This is a special time in your life, and while it's full of worries and adjustments, it is also full of wonder. You have much to look forward to. Being a mother can enrich every corner of your life. Get ready for a marvelous journey.
When you bring home a new baby, remember you are modeling parenting for your older children. Also, you are bringing up someone else's future husband or wife, father or mother. The parenting styles children learn are the ones they are most likely to follow when they become parents. Here is an example of how modeling affects children: A mother brought her newborn, Erin, and her two-and-a-half-year-old, Tiffany, into my office for checkups. During her examination, Erin began to cry. Tiffany rushed to her mother, pulled at her mother's skirt, and exclaimed, "Mommy, Erin cry; pick up, rock-rock, nurse!" This little child had just described responsive parenting according to her mother's model. When Tiffany becomes a mother and her baby cries, what do you imagine she will do? She won't consult a book or call her doctor. She will intuitively pick up, rock-rock, and nurse.
Excerpt reprinted with permission from foxcontent.com
Twenty-eight years ago I (Martha) became a mother for the first time. Even though I had "R.N." after my name I was pretty frightened. All those babies I'd played "Mommy" with in the hospital were other people's babies, not my own. I had to learn how to be a mother to my little Jimmy from scratch. It was intense and personal learning, and I have been privileged to experience it intensely and personally seven more times.
My husband, Bill, learned along with me all the things we discuss in this book for brand-new mothers. My voice, speaking mother-to-mother, will dominate the book, with Bill's interjected here and there to give his perspective as a father and pediatrician.
This is not a traditional baby-care book. You won't find anything in it about diaper rash, cord care, or how to give a bath. You can get that information from a lot of other sources. Instead, this book is a guide to mothering your baby, and it is as much about the process of becoming a mother as it is about babies. It will help you to get to know your baby better, and we hope that it will also help you understand yourself as you take on this new, motherly role.
We believe that babies have a lot to teach mothers. Listening to your baby and responding to his or her cues will lead you into a parenting style that will help both of you thrive. Biology and infant behavior will help you get started and build your confidence as you and your baby develop a two-way trusting relationship. But this is not an ideal world we live in, and there are forces you'll meet along the way that can make you doubt your mothering intuition. We hope that this book will prepare you for some of those bumps in the road, and will help you meet the challenges and changes ahead.
Mothering and fathering eight children has taught us a lot. We are very different persons from the ones we were before we had children, and most, if not all, of these differences are for the better. Although personal growth is sometimes hard, we've had a lot of fun along the way. Fun in your life with your baby is what will convince you and the baby that life is good. Enjoy your baby!
How you mother your baby does make a difference.
Mothering in the twentieth century has become a tricky business. We can take our babies' survival pretty much for granted, and in this way we differ from all the mothers who have come before us. Instead we worry about whether our babies will grow up to be happy and productive, a more complicated issue.
Nobody yet has scientifically tested and perfected a parenting system that guarantees children will turn out okay. Much of the research focuses on what goes wrong, rather than what goes right, and psychologists from Freud onward have often laid the blame on mothers. This creates a lot of anxiety, as mothers struggle to raise psychologically healthy children. Mothers often feel that the stakes are high on everything they do, and the possibility of making serious mistakes makes the job of parenting seem frightening.
In reaction to Freud, there's another school of thought that suggests that mothers aren't all that critical to their children's psyches. Children need dependable caregivers, yes, but these are more or less interchangeable, and group care not only is satisfactory, it also makes children independent at an earlier age. Babies do prefer their parents, but they really don't need all that one-on-one attention that goes along with traditional mothering. It's interesting that these theories have evolved at a time when more and more mothers of young children are in the workforce.
So where do you fit in? How important are you, a responsive, nurturing, trustworthy mother, to your baby's development? How do you know if you're making a difference?
In the parenting business, science often fails us. It's hard to study behavior that is as complicated as mother-and-infant interactions, much less relate these interactions to how children behave and feel years later. "Experts" speculate, spinning advice out of tiny threads of evidence, but who really knows?
I believe that experienced parents--parents of children who are turning out well---have the answers. Bill and I have talked to thousands of wise and seasoned mothers over the years, and while we don't pretend that this is a scientific sample, we do feel confident about relaying what we've learned from all these families. We believe that how you mother your children makes a difference in the kind of people they become.
The mothering advice that we have given in this book reflects a style that we call attachment parenting. For babies, attachment parenting includes closeness right from birth, responding sensitively to cries, baby wearing, sharing sleep, and breastfeeding. The involvement of the father, both directly with the baby and in support of the mother, is also important. These practices together make up a very nurturing style of baby care, one that yields a wonderful sensitivity between mother and child. The mother understands what the baby is thinking, most of the time, and the baby responds well to the mother's care. Babies who experience attachment parenting rarely need to cry to get their needs met (though they may cry plenty when something hurts or bothers them), because they can communicate in other, more subtle ways. Mothers who nurture in this style feel confident that they are doing the right things for their children, because they feel they can perceive their babies' needs, and because their babies are happiest when they are most responsive. Even high-need babies can be mellowed by this style of parenting into children who are fun to be with.
There are long-range benefits to attachment parenting. As a baby cared for this way turns into a toddler, he is easy to manage. His mother has a pretty good idea of what he is trying to do or say, so the young explorer is less likely to get terribly frustrated. Since he trusts his mother and wants very much to stay in her good graces, a word of warning or some creative redirection from her is often all that's needed to head off problem behavior.
As children of attached parents grow older, the benefits continue. These kids internalize their parents' sensitivity toward them. They have an inner sense of what is right and are bothered when situations violate their values. They know themselves well and can remain true to their own character in the midst of a crowd going in another direction. They are compassionate and understanding with other people. Having learned intimacy from their early closeness with their parents, they go on to establish and maintain healthy relationships with other people. They bring their parents joy and pride.
So, are you important to your baby? Yes, you are. You as his mother know him best and are the person he trusts most and will look to for guidance in the months and years to come. You are his window to the world and his faithful interpreter of what is going on inside him. Your relationship is built on a long history of knowing each other, a history that begins even before birth. Because this relationship is grounded in love and trust and many small interactions, it can tolerate mistakes and misunderstandings. No single moment is critically important. What counts is the harmony that is developing between you.
So relax and enjoy your baby. This is a special time in your life, and while it's full of worries and adjustments, it is also full of wonder. You have much to look forward to. Being a mother can enrich every corner of your life. Get ready for a marvelous journey.
When you bring home a new baby, remember you are modeling parenting for your older children. Also, you are bringing up someone else's future husband or wife, father or mother. The parenting styles children learn are the ones they are most likely to follow when they become parents. Here is an example of how modeling affects children: A mother brought her newborn, Erin, and her two-and-a-half-year-old, Tiffany, into my office for checkups. During her examination, Erin began to cry. Tiffany rushed to her mother, pulled at her mother's skirt, and exclaimed, "Mommy, Erin cry; pick up, rock-rock, nurse!" This little child had just described responsive parenting according to her mother's model. When Tiffany becomes a mother and her baby cries, what do you imagine she will do? She won't consult a book or call her doctor. She will intuitively pick up, rock-rock, and nurse.
Excerpt reprinted with permission from foxcontent.com
YOU AND YOUR NEWBORN BABY: A Guide to the First Months After Birthby
By: Linda Todd
Regardless of whether labor is long or short, whether it is hard or easy whether a baby is born vaginally or by cesarean, most parents recall the first hours and days after birth as crystal-clear images surrounded by haze. It is in this haze that you first take in your baby and make a giant leap from pregnancy to parenting.
Despite all the anticipatory parenting done before conception and during pregnancy, despite weeks of feeling movement within and fantasizing about your baby, despite months of having strange dreams, worrisome thoughts, and musings about what kind of parent you will be, the first time you hold your baby in your arms and call yourself mother or father, mama or papa, mommy or daddy, an awareness floods over you that life will never be the same again. Another human being is now dependent upon you for survival. More than anything else, you want to be the best parent possible.
Your awareness of your baby's dependency and your desire to be a good parent will together be a great source of energy and a great source of stress. Both are part of being a parent.
Becoming a good parent means much more than knowing a lot about babies. Ask pediatric doctors or nurses what it was like for them to be new parents. They will tell you that all their knowledge about babies was not enough to keep them from being over whelmed by their own babies. All new parents feel the same way. All new parents work at knowing, understanding, and loving their babies. Your baby will work just as hard at learning to know, understand, and love you. This is the process of attachment-the work that parents and babies do together to form a deep and lasting love. It is what becoming a family is all about.
This book is written to give you some help as you make the transition from pregnancy to parenting. It offers ideas on things you can do to make this time of change easier. It is written as much to encourage as to teach you. Besides providing the information you need about taking care of yourself and your baby, it can help build your confidence in your own wisdom about your family's needs. You will find the postpartum period easier if you know what to expect during this time, if you actively participate in health-care decisions, and if you build a network of support that nurtures your growing family.
New families in the United States face some challenges that families in most other countries do not. In the United States, where nearly 99 percent of women give birth in hospitals, the average hospital stay after childbirth is two days for a woman who has given birth vaginally, three to four days for a woman who has given birth by cesarean. In many communities, new families are discharged from the hospital within twenty-four hours of birth. Such early discharge will probably become the norm by the year 2000.
In most other countries, both industrialized and developing, the postpartum period is seen as being at least as important as the prenatal period. Because of this, women giving birth in hospitals have longer stays. More importantly, services are brought to the homes of new families. No matter how long the stay in a hospital or birth center, the family's transition to home-and to sole responsibility for the newborn-is overwhelming. in many countries all new families are visited at home by midwives, nurses, or other trained personnel who teach parenting skills, assess the mother's and baby's health, and provide moral support (and sometimes, as in the Netherlands, government-paid helpers do the housekeeping!). In the United States, such services are now provided to only a small minority of women.
Other Changes You May Notice
The day after birth, you may ache all over from the work you did in labor. Your arms and legs may be sore from pulling back on your legs while pushing out the baby.
Although achy legs are normal, tenderness, pain, or warmth in your calves and swollen or reddened veins are warning signs that you should report to your doctor or midwife immediately. These signs could indicate thrombophlehitis, an inflammation of a vein that can result in formation of a blood clot. Postpartum women are at slightly increased risk of this because the vein walls normally relax somewhat in pregnancy. To reduce the risk of thrombophlebitis, increase circulation in your legs by doing foot rotations (see page 2 1) and by getting up and walking soon after birth. Thrombophlebitis is treated with bed rest, elevation of the affected leg, hot packs, and the use of elastic stockings. Medications may also be needed to prevent infection and clot formation. The affected leg should not be massaged.
Joints that relaxed in pregnancy to allow for the baby's growth and birth will return to their pre-pregnancy condition within several weeks of birth. Many women, however, feel that the rib cage and pelvis remain slightly expanded for the rest of their lives.
Abdominal muscles are relaxed after birth, so the abdomen is soft and still rounded. All women have some degree of separation of the abdominal muscles, which lessens with exercise.
Any stretch marks you have will seem more obvious after birth than before. Although stretch marks never completely disappear, they fade to silvery white lines in the months after childbirth. Darkened areas of the skin, such as the areola and the linea nigra, a dark line from the belly button to pubic bone, may tighten but may not completely fade.
Many women note changes in their hair after birth-most commonly, profuse hair loss. This is because pregnancy hormones stimulate hair growth. With the drop in these hormones, the extra hair that grew in pregnancy will fall out. This begins around three months after birth and usually ends within a couple of months.
Perhaps the most common feeling of new mothers after childbirth is that of being bone-tired. This seems especially true of women who have just had their first babies. Often, fatigue is combined with such excitement in the first days that sleep is difficult. The usual aches and pains of the early postpartum period can make it even harder to sleep. But beyond the first few days after birth, most women find daily naps are essential to their well-being.
Caring for Yourself after a Cesarean
Each woman recovers in her own unique way after cesarean birth, just as after vaginal birth. Pain medications can help during the first few days (the medications given are considered safe during breastfeeding). The nurses will assist you in getting up the first time, learning to cough or huff to keep your chest clear, dealing with the gas that can follow surgery, and learning to hold your baby in ways that are comfortable for you. If assistance is not available when you need it, press your call button and ask for help.
All new parents can benefit from assistance at home after childbirth, but for a woman who has had a cesarean birth such help is essential for at least the first week. Not only are you undergoing a transformation to a nonpregnant state and learning to care for your new baby, you are recovering from major surgery. Adequate help, allowing you to rest often during the day, can make a great difference in how quickly you feel strong and well. Taking care of yourself and your baby should be your only duties until you feel ready to take on more.
These activity restrictions are usually recommended:
* Limit stair climbing as much as possible.
* Don't lift anything heavier than your baby for the first two weeks.
* Ask your mate or a friend to do laundry, vacuuming, and other tasks that require bending, lifting, or pushing for at least the first few weeks after birth. Then resume such work gradually.
* Do not drive a car for the first two weeks.
* Take showers instead of tub baths until the incision is completely healed and dry.
Ask your doctor or midwife for specific instructions on the care of your incision.
Accepting Your Initial Responses to Your Baby.
Like her labor, a woman's initial response to her baby is something she remembers for a lifetime. * Women greet their babies in as many ways as there are mothers. Before they give birth, most women anticipate a rush of loving feelings, or even tears of joy. others anticipate instantly "feeling like a mother." Some women actually experience these things. Many do not.
Sometimes, a woman experiences a temporary holding back from the baby whose birth caused pain or emotional trauma. A new mother may have a feeling of distance-which in retrospect may seem like disinterest. Or she may feel a strong need to attend to herself, pain and exhaustion compete with interest in the baby. in retrospect, she may see herself as selfish. Coolness, distance, self-centeredness-none of these fit with any woman's conception of a "good mother." Because of this, many women say they feel guilty about their initial responses to their babies.
Many women speak of feeling outside of themselves after labor. It is as though one's personal boundaries are hazy. Is it any wonder that women feel they are not taking their babies in-"as they should?" They can hardly take themselves in! This is to be expected. Most women say it takes days to come back into themselves. This is the natural rhythm of things. Something amazing is going on. As boundaries are reclarified, they are also redefined. You are now a mother. Your baby is no longer one with you, as in pregnancy. But the new boundaries are extended, to connect you for a lifetime to this other person. This connection is the essential work of the first months of parenting. You may have all the loving feelings you anticipated, but if you do not, give them time to evolve, as you do the work of taking on your new role.
Signs of Illness in a Newborn
Many parents doubt whether they will recognize if the baby is sick. When you have no experience with babies, being told that a sick baby behaves differently from a well baby is of little comfort. if everything about your baby seems unfamiliar, it is hard to have confidence that you can and will recognize changes that indicate your baby is ill. Besides, healthy babies can cry for a couple of hours each day. Crying does not tell you as much in the first weeks as it will when your baby is older. So how will you know if your baby is sick? Asking yourself these questions may help:
* Is there a change in the baby's behavior? Is the baby crying more than usual? Has the tone of the cry changed? Is the crying at a different time of day than usual? Is the baby more irritable than usual? Is the baby sleeping more or less than usual? Does the baby seem lethargic or listless?
* Has the baby's appetite or digestion changed? Is the baby eating less than usual? Has the baby vomited more than once? If the baby is vomiting, is the vomiting forceful? (This is called projectile vomiting.) Are there signs of constipation? That is, are the stools hard or more solid than usual? Are there signs of diarrhea? That is, are the stools watery, or more runny than usual? Are they more frequent than usual? Is the baby urinating less frequently than usual? Has the color of the urine changed?
* Has there been a change in the baby's breathing? Does the baby seem to have trouble breathing? Does the baby sound congested? Does the baby have a runny or stuffy nose? Is the baby coughing?
* How does the baby look? Is the baby's skin pale or flushed? Is there a rash anywhere on the baby's body? Do the baby's eyes look glassy or dull? Is there any discharge from the eyes?
* Does the baby have a fever?
Any of these changes could indicate illness. if you notice any of them, or other worrisome changes in Your baby, call your baby's care- giver. When you call the office, be prepared to describe:
* The signs of illness about which you are concerned
* How long the signs have been present.
* What you need: to have the caregiver return your call; to speak to the caregiver immediately, if you feel this is an emergency; or to arrange for the baby to be seen as soon as possible.
CRIB SAFETY TIPS if you have a used crib or are considering buying one
* Make sure it has no corner posts. older infants can catch clothing on these.
* Check that the crib slats are no more than 2 3/8 inches apart. Never put a baby in a crib that has missing slats.
* Make sure that the mattress is firm, and that it fits tightly within the crib rails, with no more than a 1-inch space (two fingers width) between the rails and the mattress.
* Assure yourself that all guide rods and support brackets are firmly in place and secure, and that no screws are missing.
* Check the locks and latches on the crib. They should be smooth, and tight enough to prevent accidental release.
* Be certain the paint used on the crib is lead-free. If it isn't, the old paint should be removed. if you're pregnant or nursing, have someone else do the stripping, preferably away from your home, or at least outside the house and away from any play or garden area. New paint should be a high-quality, lead-free enamel recommended for children's furniture. Some babies do chew on their cribs, and ingesting lead can cause brain damage.
If your crib is new, remove and discard all plastic packaging materials, including the thin plastic mattress cover. As with a used crib, check the guide rods, support brackets, locks, and
latches, and make sure no screws are missing. With any crib, new or old
* Place the crib out of reach of any cords, electrical sockets, or other hazards.
* Keep crib rails up at all times when the baby is unattended.
* As soon as your baby can pull himself or herself up, move the mattress to the lowest position. There should be at least 22 inches between the mattress and the top of the rail.
If you plan to use a bassinet or cradle instead of a crib, many of these same safety tips will still apply.
Some Basics about Feeding
Expectant parents know they will have a lot to learn after their babies arrive. They know it will take time to feel confident about diapering, bathing, and soothing a baby. Most have been told that feeding, too, will be a learning experience. It is not until after the birth, however, that the true meaning of this is dear. Parents often say they had not anticipated that the baby, too, would need to learn to feed. Also unanticipated is the profound concern parents have that their babies be adequately nourished.
Even as adults, many people are greeted by their mothers with the questions "Are you hungry? Do you want to eat?" These are questions you will find yourself asking your baby. It is natural for you to feel somewhat anxious when the baby's answers are not as clear as you might like. Following are some basics about feeding that can guide you as you gain experience.
Postpartum Fathers
Feelings after Birth. Fathers who are present at birth are, more often than mothers, captured by the baby immediately. Whereas women may need minutes, hours, or a few days to feel connected to the baby, fathers often feel the power of this connection at the moment of birth. Unless the mother or baby is in some danger just after birth, the father is likely to find these moments life-changing and exquisite. These feelings are often blended with a sudden awareness of exhaustion.
A father also experiences new feelings about his mate. He may speak of his amazement at her courage, strength, and endurance during labor. He now faces the task of integrating his memory of her in labor with his previous knowledge and feelings about her.
A father may have to work through feelings he experienced while supporting the mother in labor. One of the most common feelings fathers speak about after labor is that of helplessness. Unless he is told, a man may not know how much his presence and emotional support really meant to the laboring woman.
A man may also feel that the labor experience has altered his whole life view. He may have gained a sense of the miraculous and spiritual, of a deeper meaning to life.
Not all fathers, of course, are able to share the birth experience. A lot of fathers who missed their babies' births worry that not having been there will affect their relationships with their babies. Birth is a special moment in the parent-child relationship, but it is only one moment. The years of child rearing provide many other shared moments that are just as important in the development of a relationship between father and child.
Excerpt reprinted with permission from foxcontent.com
Regardless of whether labor is long or short, whether it is hard or easy whether a baby is born vaginally or by cesarean, most parents recall the first hours and days after birth as crystal-clear images surrounded by haze. It is in this haze that you first take in your baby and make a giant leap from pregnancy to parenting.
Despite all the anticipatory parenting done before conception and during pregnancy, despite weeks of feeling movement within and fantasizing about your baby, despite months of having strange dreams, worrisome thoughts, and musings about what kind of parent you will be, the first time you hold your baby in your arms and call yourself mother or father, mama or papa, mommy or daddy, an awareness floods over you that life will never be the same again. Another human being is now dependent upon you for survival. More than anything else, you want to be the best parent possible.
Your awareness of your baby's dependency and your desire to be a good parent will together be a great source of energy and a great source of stress. Both are part of being a parent.
Becoming a good parent means much more than knowing a lot about babies. Ask pediatric doctors or nurses what it was like for them to be new parents. They will tell you that all their knowledge about babies was not enough to keep them from being over whelmed by their own babies. All new parents feel the same way. All new parents work at knowing, understanding, and loving their babies. Your baby will work just as hard at learning to know, understand, and love you. This is the process of attachment-the work that parents and babies do together to form a deep and lasting love. It is what becoming a family is all about.
This book is written to give you some help as you make the transition from pregnancy to parenting. It offers ideas on things you can do to make this time of change easier. It is written as much to encourage as to teach you. Besides providing the information you need about taking care of yourself and your baby, it can help build your confidence in your own wisdom about your family's needs. You will find the postpartum period easier if you know what to expect during this time, if you actively participate in health-care decisions, and if you build a network of support that nurtures your growing family.
New families in the United States face some challenges that families in most other countries do not. In the United States, where nearly 99 percent of women give birth in hospitals, the average hospital stay after childbirth is two days for a woman who has given birth vaginally, three to four days for a woman who has given birth by cesarean. In many communities, new families are discharged from the hospital within twenty-four hours of birth. Such early discharge will probably become the norm by the year 2000.
In most other countries, both industrialized and developing, the postpartum period is seen as being at least as important as the prenatal period. Because of this, women giving birth in hospitals have longer stays. More importantly, services are brought to the homes of new families. No matter how long the stay in a hospital or birth center, the family's transition to home-and to sole responsibility for the newborn-is overwhelming. in many countries all new families are visited at home by midwives, nurses, or other trained personnel who teach parenting skills, assess the mother's and baby's health, and provide moral support (and sometimes, as in the Netherlands, government-paid helpers do the housekeeping!). In the United States, such services are now provided to only a small minority of women.
Other Changes You May Notice
The day after birth, you may ache all over from the work you did in labor. Your arms and legs may be sore from pulling back on your legs while pushing out the baby.
Although achy legs are normal, tenderness, pain, or warmth in your calves and swollen or reddened veins are warning signs that you should report to your doctor or midwife immediately. These signs could indicate thrombophlehitis, an inflammation of a vein that can result in formation of a blood clot. Postpartum women are at slightly increased risk of this because the vein walls normally relax somewhat in pregnancy. To reduce the risk of thrombophlebitis, increase circulation in your legs by doing foot rotations (see page 2 1) and by getting up and walking soon after birth. Thrombophlebitis is treated with bed rest, elevation of the affected leg, hot packs, and the use of elastic stockings. Medications may also be needed to prevent infection and clot formation. The affected leg should not be massaged.
Joints that relaxed in pregnancy to allow for the baby's growth and birth will return to their pre-pregnancy condition within several weeks of birth. Many women, however, feel that the rib cage and pelvis remain slightly expanded for the rest of their lives.
Abdominal muscles are relaxed after birth, so the abdomen is soft and still rounded. All women have some degree of separation of the abdominal muscles, which lessens with exercise.
Any stretch marks you have will seem more obvious after birth than before. Although stretch marks never completely disappear, they fade to silvery white lines in the months after childbirth. Darkened areas of the skin, such as the areola and the linea nigra, a dark line from the belly button to pubic bone, may tighten but may not completely fade.
Many women note changes in their hair after birth-most commonly, profuse hair loss. This is because pregnancy hormones stimulate hair growth. With the drop in these hormones, the extra hair that grew in pregnancy will fall out. This begins around three months after birth and usually ends within a couple of months.
Perhaps the most common feeling of new mothers after childbirth is that of being bone-tired. This seems especially true of women who have just had their first babies. Often, fatigue is combined with such excitement in the first days that sleep is difficult. The usual aches and pains of the early postpartum period can make it even harder to sleep. But beyond the first few days after birth, most women find daily naps are essential to their well-being.
Caring for Yourself after a Cesarean
Each woman recovers in her own unique way after cesarean birth, just as after vaginal birth. Pain medications can help during the first few days (the medications given are considered safe during breastfeeding). The nurses will assist you in getting up the first time, learning to cough or huff to keep your chest clear, dealing with the gas that can follow surgery, and learning to hold your baby in ways that are comfortable for you. If assistance is not available when you need it, press your call button and ask for help.
All new parents can benefit from assistance at home after childbirth, but for a woman who has had a cesarean birth such help is essential for at least the first week. Not only are you undergoing a transformation to a nonpregnant state and learning to care for your new baby, you are recovering from major surgery. Adequate help, allowing you to rest often during the day, can make a great difference in how quickly you feel strong and well. Taking care of yourself and your baby should be your only duties until you feel ready to take on more.
These activity restrictions are usually recommended:
* Limit stair climbing as much as possible.
* Don't lift anything heavier than your baby for the first two weeks.
* Ask your mate or a friend to do laundry, vacuuming, and other tasks that require bending, lifting, or pushing for at least the first few weeks after birth. Then resume such work gradually.
* Do not drive a car for the first two weeks.
* Take showers instead of tub baths until the incision is completely healed and dry.
Ask your doctor or midwife for specific instructions on the care of your incision.
Accepting Your Initial Responses to Your Baby.
Like her labor, a woman's initial response to her baby is something she remembers for a lifetime. * Women greet their babies in as many ways as there are mothers. Before they give birth, most women anticipate a rush of loving feelings, or even tears of joy. others anticipate instantly "feeling like a mother." Some women actually experience these things. Many do not.
Sometimes, a woman experiences a temporary holding back from the baby whose birth caused pain or emotional trauma. A new mother may have a feeling of distance-which in retrospect may seem like disinterest. Or she may feel a strong need to attend to herself, pain and exhaustion compete with interest in the baby. in retrospect, she may see herself as selfish. Coolness, distance, self-centeredness-none of these fit with any woman's conception of a "good mother." Because of this, many women say they feel guilty about their initial responses to their babies.
Many women speak of feeling outside of themselves after labor. It is as though one's personal boundaries are hazy. Is it any wonder that women feel they are not taking their babies in-"as they should?" They can hardly take themselves in! This is to be expected. Most women say it takes days to come back into themselves. This is the natural rhythm of things. Something amazing is going on. As boundaries are reclarified, they are also redefined. You are now a mother. Your baby is no longer one with you, as in pregnancy. But the new boundaries are extended, to connect you for a lifetime to this other person. This connection is the essential work of the first months of parenting. You may have all the loving feelings you anticipated, but if you do not, give them time to evolve, as you do the work of taking on your new role.
Signs of Illness in a Newborn
Many parents doubt whether they will recognize if the baby is sick. When you have no experience with babies, being told that a sick baby behaves differently from a well baby is of little comfort. if everything about your baby seems unfamiliar, it is hard to have confidence that you can and will recognize changes that indicate your baby is ill. Besides, healthy babies can cry for a couple of hours each day. Crying does not tell you as much in the first weeks as it will when your baby is older. So how will you know if your baby is sick? Asking yourself these questions may help:
* Is there a change in the baby's behavior? Is the baby crying more than usual? Has the tone of the cry changed? Is the crying at a different time of day than usual? Is the baby more irritable than usual? Is the baby sleeping more or less than usual? Does the baby seem lethargic or listless?
* Has the baby's appetite or digestion changed? Is the baby eating less than usual? Has the baby vomited more than once? If the baby is vomiting, is the vomiting forceful? (This is called projectile vomiting.) Are there signs of constipation? That is, are the stools hard or more solid than usual? Are there signs of diarrhea? That is, are the stools watery, or more runny than usual? Are they more frequent than usual? Is the baby urinating less frequently than usual? Has the color of the urine changed?
* Has there been a change in the baby's breathing? Does the baby seem to have trouble breathing? Does the baby sound congested? Does the baby have a runny or stuffy nose? Is the baby coughing?
* How does the baby look? Is the baby's skin pale or flushed? Is there a rash anywhere on the baby's body? Do the baby's eyes look glassy or dull? Is there any discharge from the eyes?
* Does the baby have a fever?
Any of these changes could indicate illness. if you notice any of them, or other worrisome changes in Your baby, call your baby's care- giver. When you call the office, be prepared to describe:
* The signs of illness about which you are concerned
* How long the signs have been present.
* What you need: to have the caregiver return your call; to speak to the caregiver immediately, if you feel this is an emergency; or to arrange for the baby to be seen as soon as possible.
CRIB SAFETY TIPS if you have a used crib or are considering buying one
* Make sure it has no corner posts. older infants can catch clothing on these.
* Check that the crib slats are no more than 2 3/8 inches apart. Never put a baby in a crib that has missing slats.
* Make sure that the mattress is firm, and that it fits tightly within the crib rails, with no more than a 1-inch space (two fingers width) between the rails and the mattress.
* Assure yourself that all guide rods and support brackets are firmly in place and secure, and that no screws are missing.
* Check the locks and latches on the crib. They should be smooth, and tight enough to prevent accidental release.
* Be certain the paint used on the crib is lead-free. If it isn't, the old paint should be removed. if you're pregnant or nursing, have someone else do the stripping, preferably away from your home, or at least outside the house and away from any play or garden area. New paint should be a high-quality, lead-free enamel recommended for children's furniture. Some babies do chew on their cribs, and ingesting lead can cause brain damage.
If your crib is new, remove and discard all plastic packaging materials, including the thin plastic mattress cover. As with a used crib, check the guide rods, support brackets, locks, and
latches, and make sure no screws are missing. With any crib, new or old
* Place the crib out of reach of any cords, electrical sockets, or other hazards.
* Keep crib rails up at all times when the baby is unattended.
* As soon as your baby can pull himself or herself up, move the mattress to the lowest position. There should be at least 22 inches between the mattress and the top of the rail.
If you plan to use a bassinet or cradle instead of a crib, many of these same safety tips will still apply.
Some Basics about Feeding
Expectant parents know they will have a lot to learn after their babies arrive. They know it will take time to feel confident about diapering, bathing, and soothing a baby. Most have been told that feeding, too, will be a learning experience. It is not until after the birth, however, that the true meaning of this is dear. Parents often say they had not anticipated that the baby, too, would need to learn to feed. Also unanticipated is the profound concern parents have that their babies be adequately nourished.
Even as adults, many people are greeted by their mothers with the questions "Are you hungry? Do you want to eat?" These are questions you will find yourself asking your baby. It is natural for you to feel somewhat anxious when the baby's answers are not as clear as you might like. Following are some basics about feeding that can guide you as you gain experience.
Postpartum Fathers
Feelings after Birth. Fathers who are present at birth are, more often than mothers, captured by the baby immediately. Whereas women may need minutes, hours, or a few days to feel connected to the baby, fathers often feel the power of this connection at the moment of birth. Unless the mother or baby is in some danger just after birth, the father is likely to find these moments life-changing and exquisite. These feelings are often blended with a sudden awareness of exhaustion.
A father also experiences new feelings about his mate. He may speak of his amazement at her courage, strength, and endurance during labor. He now faces the task of integrating his memory of her in labor with his previous knowledge and feelings about her.
A father may have to work through feelings he experienced while supporting the mother in labor. One of the most common feelings fathers speak about after labor is that of helplessness. Unless he is told, a man may not know how much his presence and emotional support really meant to the laboring woman.
A man may also feel that the labor experience has altered his whole life view. He may have gained a sense of the miraculous and spiritual, of a deeper meaning to life.
Not all fathers, of course, are able to share the birth experience. A lot of fathers who missed their babies' births worry that not having been there will affect their relationships with their babies. Birth is a special moment in the parent-child relationship, but it is only one moment. The years of child rearing provide many other shared moments that are just as important in the development of a relationship between father and child.
Excerpt reprinted with permission from foxcontent.com
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